My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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