Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
