dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
