I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
