escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
