I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
