what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
