she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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