i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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