running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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