My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Randomize
