The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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