I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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