I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Randomize
