it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
