i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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