you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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