Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
