No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
