Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
