i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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