I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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