Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
