and my herpes radar will keep us safe
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
