I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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