Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
