Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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