dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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