When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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