tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
