Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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