in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
