I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
