Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
3pm strippers are depressing
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
