Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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