even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
