YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
