I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Randomize
