Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Just fell off a train. Bad.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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