i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
