Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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