Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
