is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
