I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
