I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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