your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
