Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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