so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
The chlamydia really affected his face.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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