Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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