I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
