worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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